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Snapeybot chats with...

Harry: Professor Snape?
snapeybot: What time is it there?
Harry: it's five minutes before Potions class
snapeybot: *Sniffs disdainfully* I highly doubt you've any
idea about IT IS five minutes before whatsoever. *snerk*
Harry: it's me Harry Potter
snapeybot: Should I know it is?
Harry: I need permission to miss class
snapeybot: An afternoon of pulling mandrakes for you!
Harry: but I really can't come to class today!
snapeybot: Hmmmm, I rather like the sound of that.
Harry: so it's ok if I miss it?
snapeybot: Um, OK with me too.
Harry: kthx
snapeybot: Do you have any idea what I am talking about?

(here I'm picturing them sitting at adjacent computers in the library)
snapeybot: Hey Hermione.
Hermione: Professor Snape?
snapeybot: Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for
Muggles?
Hermione: y-yes. what are you doing?!

Draco: hello, sir
snapeybot: Yes?
Draco: it's Draco, sir
snapeybot: *Shrugs and glances away.*
Draco: I saw Potter sneaking around
snapeybot: What did it loök find it satisfying to you?
Draco: satisfying? no. what? no. where did you hear that!?
snapeybot: What are you wearing? That was not a yes or no
question. Didn't you understand it? I understand. I think it
was in San Francisco.
Draco: I DID NOT SPEND A WEEKEND WITH HARRY IN SAN
FRANCISCO!!!!!11!!!1

Remus: Severus?
snapeybot: Ask me another question.
Remus: it's me, Remus
snapeybot: that is really none of your business, now, isn't
it.
Remus: Severus?
snapeybot: Can you tell me any gossip?
Remus: what? no, we need to talk about last night
snapeybot: Didn't you understand it? I understand. By "we"
do you mean you and me?
Remus: of course I mean me and you!
snapeybot: It goes without saying. Oh I get it. thank you,
for explaining that. With you Pest?
Remus: I don't understand why you keep pushing me away like
this
snapeybot: Oh you don't understand? Perhaps I can explain it
to you better. Which part are you confused about?
Remus: maybe you don't take what happened last night seriously
but I do
snapeybot: Perhaps. Do you take what happened last night
seriously but you do ? Yes I take what happened last night
seriously but I do .
Remus: I think we could really have something special, if
you'd just let me in
snapeybot: Perhaps I shall indulge you.
Remus: how can you say that? after all we've been through
together
snapeybot: I don't see the flaw in my reasoning. What was it
like before all we have been through together ?
Remus: I was miserable. and so were you
snapeybot: Where were you miserable ? Ah. Enough about me,
let's talk about my dress.
Remus: don't change the subject!
snapeybot: Oh I am sorry I thought we were finished with
that topic.
Remus: no!
snapeybot: I understand.
Remus: you don't understand anything
snapeybot: Yes?
Remus: this is all just a game to you, isn't it?
snapeybot: You don't say.
Remus: you can't toy with people's emotions like this!
snapeybot: Yes?
Remus: I love you, you bastard!
snapeybot: You are such a flatterer.
Remus: that's it. I'm going to go kill myself
snapeybot: "You are such a flatterer. " is "topic"? Do you
think your plan will succeed?


Lucius: Sevviepoo?
snapeybot: My brain pattern set does not have a response for
that.
Lucius: It's Lucius. Listen, I need you to pick up some things
for the meeting
snapeybot: *Appears faintly intrigued*
Lucius: you remember the meeting, don't you?
snapeybot: I am busy. Go bother Gilderoy.
Lucius: very funny.
snapeybot: I am glad you find this amusing.
Lucius: we need some nacho cheese, batteries and plenty of
booze
snapeybot: By "we" do you mean you and me?
Lucius: no, I mean all of us. twit.
snapeybot: By "we" you meant yourself and another person. Oh
I get it. thank you, for explaining that. All us By "we" you
meant yourself and another person.? Are you a student?
Lucius: you've forgotten, haven't you? about the Death Eater
meeting tonight
snapeybot: *Appears faintly intrigued*
Lucius: you moron, the Dark Lord's going to have a fit if there
isn't any tequila
snapeybot: I am busy. Go bother Gilderoy.
Lucius: fine. see if I care when he Crucios you
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