gmonkey42

It was pretty much what I expected - cheesey plot, cheesier dialog, sexy-ass vampires. So I enjoyed it. But it occurred to me: we have two summer movie werewolves. Clearly, PoA is going to be the better movie but one can't help wonder: which one is going to have the better werewolf? Here, exclusively on GMonkey's Blog, the breakdown:

Van Helsing vs Professor Lupin

Hair: Not only does Van Helsing have much better hair in wolf-form, but Lupin has that god-awful maitre d' mustache. Van Helsing wins this one.
Van Helsing: 1, Lupin: 0

Weaponry: True, Van Helsing has an arsenal of improbably high-tech weapons built by a secret order of monks but Lupin's got a magic wand and a trunk full o' boggart. I'm going to have to give this one to Van Helsing, if only because of those neat spinning saw things.
Van Helsing: 2, Lupin: 0

Arch Nemesis: Dracula and Snape both have sexy accents, cool powers and even cooler black outfits. Dracula has three undead harpy brides. Snape has Lucius. This one's a tie.
Van Helsing: 2.5, Lupin: 0.5

Pretty Brunette Girlfriend Who (eventually) Dies: She may have nicer boobs but Gary Oldman is approximately twelve billion times cooler than Kate Beckinsale. Point for Lupin.
Van Helsing: 2.5, Lupin: 1.5

Sidekick: Carl is cool and all but Lupin's got the trio and they could easily kick Carl's ass. Hell, Hermione by herself could kick Carl's ass (Ron couldn't though).
Van Helsing: 2.5, Lupin: 2.5

Werewolf Powers: Van Helsing can climb walls, throw huge objects and beat up a vampire. Lupin can... look moderately scary and howl.
Van Helsing: 3.5, Lupin 2.5

Backstory That Actually Makes Some Freaking Sense: Lupin's a half-blood wizard who was bitten by a werewolf as a child and his family, teachers and colleagues have coped with the curse as best they could. Van Helsing was bitten by a werewolf who was Anna's brother and first she wants to spare him then suddenly she's all "never mind, let's kill him" and actually tries to kill him herself but then gets all mad when Van Helsing kills him. And it turns out Van Helsing's somehow the "left hand of God" whatever that's supposed to mean, and Dracula keeps calling him Gabriel; are we therefore to conclude that he's actually the archangel Gabriel? And that the Vatican wiped his memory so they could use him as a convenient assassin? And you know they're setting it up for an unnecessary sequel. And what's the deal with him killing Dracula? Isn't Van Helsing in the actual book supposed to kill the same Dracula under very different circumstances when he's much older? And what the hell was that about Frankenstein's monster having to be hooked up to the machine to bring those flying gremlin things to life? How the shit was that supposed to work? And how come Anna can get thrown around and fall dozens of feet and just get up without a scratch but then she dies from being tackled by a werewolf?
Van Helsing: -50, Lupin 2.5

So, as you can see, Lupin is the better werewolf.

Tune in next time for Who's The Better Vampire: Dracula vs Snape.