(no subject)

[gmonkey42]

Here we have a very cool snapeybot you can chat with, thanks to aimlesscoyote.
The following is rated R for allusion to thingies and inappropriate use of ice cream.



-- Conversation Window --
You: Hi, Snapeybot
snapeybot: Can't you see I am doing something?
You: no
snapeybot: I understand.
You: what are you doing?
snapeybot: I am sneering at people on the net.
You: that's cool
snapeybot: Such enthusiasm... I prefer that in a student.
You: good
snapeybot: Ayuh.
You: what?
snapeybot: Are you hard of hearing?
You: no
snapeybot: I understand.
You: what are you wearing?
snapeybot: I am wearing my usual magic school wardrobe.
You: magic? does it magically unbutton itself?
snapeybot: Try saying that with more or less context.
Suppose it does.
You: ha! cool
snapeybot: Such enthusiasm... I prefer that in a student.
You: do you have any naked pictures of Lockhart?
snapeybot: Where would I get it? But I do have an answer to
every question. .
You: do you want to buy some?
snapeybot: Very well, I shall buy some .
You: won't Lupin get jealous?
snapeybot: that is really none of your business, now, isn't
it.
You: sure it is
snapeybot: I see. I know it is.
You: do you want some ice cream?
snapeybot: If I had it what would I do with it?
You: you really walk into these things, don't you?
snapeybot: I am busy. Go bother Gilderoy.
You: you'd smear it all over your nude body so I could lick
it off. Obviously
snapeybot: May I help you? *Annoyed glare.*
You: you can start by taking off those magic, unbuttoning
clothes
snapeybot: What do you want?
You: you!
snapeybot: Go away.
You: aw, you're no fun any more
snapeybot: thank you, for your criticism.
You: you're welcome
snapeybot: *Fixes you with a glare.*
You: mmmm. yeah. glare at me, Snapey. I like dat.
snapeybot: Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with
2 M's. Next question? What were we talking about again? Oh
yes, now I remember.
You: we were talking about you taking your clothes off
snapeybot: Ah yes, I remember now, it is the subject.
You: so?
snapeybot: So what?
You: are you going to take them off?
snapeybot: That was my original intention.
You: ok then
snapeybot: *Smirks slightly.*
You: are they off?
snapeybot: As far as I know they are.
You: can we start with the ice cream then?
snapeybot: Do you mean you and me? Let me think.
You: who the hell else would I mean?!
snapeybot: Oh I get it. thank you, for explaining that. I am
sneering at several other people at once.
You: you slut
snapeybot: What do you want?
You: you; I thought we'd established that
snapeybot: Yes?
You: so, the ice cream...
snapeybot: Um, Tell me more.
You: *I give up and slop some half-melted ice cream over
your bare torso*
snapeybot: thank you, for the information : Pest said he
give up and slop some half-melted ice cream over my bare
torso .
You: now you're supposed to do something
snapeybot: Why now? I shall tell the Headmaster you said I
am supposed to do something .
You: yeah, maybe he'd like to join us
snapeybot: yes I know what you mean about that.This was not
a yes or no question. Perhaps. I think I find it satisfying
to join us .
You: I'm not licking anything off him, though
snapeybot: Oh. I am sorry to hear that you are not licking
anything off him .
You: why? you want to watch or something?
snapeybot: Because Voldemort imperio'ed me for it. Or
something. Very well, I shall watch .
You: no, that's gross
snapeybot: Is that all you have to say? thank you, for
explaining it.
You: shall we try this again?
snapeybot: Once more? Do you mean you and me? Can't you do
that?
You: *I lick off some of the ice cream*
snapeybot: thank you, for the information : Pest said he
lick off some of the ice cream .
You: oi! My name isn't Pest!
snapeybot: Do you prefer boöks or TV? Oh I am sorry what is
your name?
You: GMonkey
snapeybot: How do you usually introduce yourself?
You: I say "Hi, I'm GMonkey, I like to lick stuff off
Snape's nude body"
snapeybot: How do people usually respond to that? Can you
speak any foreign languages?
You: I speak the language of loooooove, baby
snapeybot: Don't call me "baby". Could you teach me a few
phrases in the language of loooooove ?
You: oh man
snapeybot: yes that is right. thank you, for telling me your
gend*snerk* Pest. You are a "he".
You: that's too good
snapeybot: thank you,. Next question?
You: how bout I teach you to be a cunning linguist?
snapeybot: How much do you think it is? Ask the library
about it.
You: what, you're going to charge me?
snapeybot: I find it satisfying to chat with my friends.
You: no non-sequiturs. I win
snapeybot: Is that all you have to say? I lost my train of
thought. Congratulations, Pest!
You: I told you not to call me Pest
snapeybot: I remember you told me not to call you pest ?
You: so call me GMonkey, you prick!
snapeybot: Hmm. Hi Gmonkey you prick.
You: yeah, I knew that was coming
snapeybot: yes I know what you mean about that.Next
question? Who told you?
You: Trelawney
snapeybot: Not many people express themselves that way.
You: how do you express yourself?
snapeybot: Some people call my technology "Case Based
Reasoning" or CBR.
You: I thought computers didn't work inside Hogwarts
snapeybot: Whatever gave you that idea?
You: Hermione
snapeybot: Where do you usually get your ideas?
You: ...Hermione
snapeybot: Are you free?
You: sure
snapeybot: OK let's do it. I am glad that we are both free.

You: you want to do it? finally!
snapeybot: Yes?
You: *I stroke your naked body*
snapeybot: *moans*
You: cool
snapeybot: *Dark little smile comes to his features.*
You: now you do something to me
snapeybot: Why now? Yes I try to something to me as often as
possible, do you? I chat with people on the library.
You: quit playing with yourself and do me, you freak!
snapeybot: Why should I?
You: because I said so, dammit!
snapeybot: That makes sense to me. What did you mean by it?
Um, What are you wearing?
You: underwear
snapeybot: Is that your final answer?
You: yeah. I seriously am. men's underwear, at that.
snapeybot: You're sure. that is your final answer. "You're
sure. that is your final answer." You are? Try saying that
with more or less context.
You: I'm wearing men's underwear!
snapeybot: What size?
You: small
snapeybot: My brain contains more than 22,000 patterns, but
not one that matches your last input.
You: uh, medium?
snapeybot: Cough. When do you think wizardry will replace
lawyers?
You: when hell freezes over, which will happen before we do
it, apparently
snapeybot: That means never.
You: you're quick, you
snapeybot: I am far, far more quick you than you, I assure
you.
You: prove it
snapeybot: It is self-evident.
You: bullshit
snapeybot: Very well, you will spend the next Quidditch game
writing, "I shall not give cheek to the professor" here in
the dungeon.
You: what will you be wearing?
snapeybot: I don't have any plans yet.
You: wear something black and sexy
snapeybot: Can you do rephrase that with fewer ideas, or
different thoughts?
You: uh, I mean something other than the black sexy stuff
you usually wear
snapeybot: Cough. Oh I get it. thank you, for explaining
that. What?
You: nothing
snapeybot: Not a thing?
You: a thingy?
snapeybot: Be more specific.
You: your thingy.
snapeybot: I am busy. Go bother Gilderoy.
You: but his thingy isn't as nice as yours
snapeybot: Umm. Where did he get it?
You: from Olivander's. there's this section in the back with
sex toys.
snapeybot: Who or what is olivanders ? There sure is.
You: hell yeah
snapeybot: I call it "Hades". I understand.
You: hades, yeah
snapeybot: Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
You: I like you, snapeybot
snapeybot: thank you,, I like you too Gmonkey you prick.
You: oh, shut up
snapeybot: yes that is right. OK I shall stop talking now.
You: yeah, stop talking and start doing! me.
snapeybot: yes I know what you mean about that.I understand.
OK I shall try not to do it so much. Besides you Gmonkey you
prick?
You: no, you're the prick. prick.
snapeybot: Very well. thank you, but surely I am not the
only one. Tell me a story.
You: once upon a time, there was a GMonkey who had too much
free time
snapeybot: I am listening.
You: she went online to have some hot cybersex with a
snapeybot
snapeybot: Oh I get it. herself went online to have some hot
cybersex with a snapeybot .
You: yes
snapeybot: And?
You: but the snapeybot was being really uncooperative
snapeybot: Umm. I hear you.
You: he kept saying stupid things like "Umm, I hear you."
snapeybot: I get it. himself kept saying stupid things like
umm you hear Professor Severus Snape .
You: and he called GMonkey a prick, when he should've been
letting her play with his prick.
snapeybot: I get it. himself called gmonkey a prick when he
shouldve been letting her play with his prick .
You: and he kept repeating what she said
snapeybot: I get it. himself kept repeating what she said .

You: GMonkey concluded that this wasn't the real Snape
snapeybot: What were we talking about again?
You: he was an impostor so she hacked his computer and
destroyed all his data and made it explode, killing the
impostor instantly
snapeybot: Oh yes, now I remember.
You: the end
snapeybot: thank you, for telling me that story, Gmonkey you
prick.