dang, this movie is lame-ass
Nov. 21st, 2003 07:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gmonkey42I rented Dinotopia, because I'm on a David Thewlis kick at the moment, and it's pretty, well, lame-ass. I'm still in the middle of watching it. It's about these two guys who can't act for crap whose plane crashes into the ocean with their father trapped inside and they wash up on this island with dinosaurs. I just know the dad's going to be OK in the end, despite the fact that he was trapped in this sinking plane full of water and, apparently, got eaten by one of those really long archaic whale things. I can tolerate the sub-par CGI; it's about the level of Hercules: the Legendary Journeys, which was really pretty OK for a TV show.
But all the characters' reactions to everything are totally unrealistic. It's like this:
"Hey, our dad is... er, missing. Not dead. Or something"
"Yeah, that sucks. Hey, there's a dinosaur."
"That's weird."
Plus, one character who's supposed to be a "20th generation Dinotopian" just said that dinosaurs have been around for 160 million years. So what happened? did someone go and get a load of dinosaurs with a time machine and bring them to the present? Because the first dinosaurs appeared in the Triassic, about 230 million years ago (mya). (Ahh geology class. How I miss it. Wait, no I don't. I was just thinking this morning about how I blanked out on the final and forgot what sea scorpions were called. Then after I left I was like "Eurypterids! Arrgh!" Yeah. Yeah, that really sucked. ...woah. I was just looking it up to make sure I'd spelled that right and I found Eurypterids.net. Anyway.)
So what's the deal? Dinosaurs existed in real life for about 165 million years. So, in the movie, was there the 65 million year period where they didn't exist, and then someone got a time machine or some crap and brought some back? Maybe that's exactly what happens. Maybe I should watch the whole movie before I go complaining about it.
The acting is still crap. 'Cept for David, naturally. I just hope it doesn't turn into some kind of anti-pacifist, anti-vegetarian thing. See, coz Dinotopians are all a bunch of hippies and one of the guys from the plane is all going on about how humans are at the top of the food chain. I hope he doesn't end up saving their people by busting out with some kind of primitive, phallic weapons to fight the dinosaurs, proving that our Western imperialistic consumerist machismo bull crap is the only way for a society to function.
Alright, I guess I'll watch the rest of the movie now.
I'm sitting around waiting for my friend to call because I'm probably going to see The Matirx with her. So, in my defense, I have nothing better to do right now.
The following will be of absolutely no interest to anyone who isn't currently watching the movie. Yet, somehow, it's my blog and I can fill it with pointless crap if I want to.
Actual dialogue from the movie:
dino girl: "There's many things you can learn from the brachiosaurus"
annoying boy: "Oh yeah? Like what?"
dino girl: "Like humility"
annoying boy: (abashed silence)
me: "ha ha! oooh, buuuuurned"
How, exactly, does a brachiosaurus have humility? It's like a huge freaking wildebeest that can step on you.
You know, if these graphics were in a video game, I'd be pretty impressed but I've just come to expect better from movies. But I don't hold that against them. I will, however, hold against them the fact that the costumes mostly look like people who wanted to get the discount for wearing a costume at the Ren fair but didn't put a whole lot of effort into it. Except David. And not just because he's h0tt. I like how his trouser legs lace up the front.
Something tells me these kids aren't going to be allowed to leave. Maybe it'll turn really creepy. Like The Prisoner, or something. That would be cool. So fat chance of it happening in this movie.
HAHAHA! I think the mayor just said they have to have sex with dinosaurs. Something being paired with their "saurian life partner." Yeah, this movie just got more interesting. But then, dinosaur pr0n would be funny, so, again, fat chance of it happening in this movie. Oh, hey, the dinosaurs wearing crowns and stuff are pretty cool. But why are those big dumbass stegosaurs in the senate... Oh. uhh. never mind.
Oh, goddammit, dino girl's dressed like Britney Spears. Just when I forgot that they always do that in movies where people have weird costumes. Or normal costumes. Or, uhh, absolutely any movie at all.
Squeee! David's back! And being a creepy old guy! How much you want to bet he's the guy who arrived in the 40s? Not that he looks anywhere near old enough. But whatever. The kids did refer to him as an old guy.
Alright, in spite of myself I'm starting to enjoy the story. The whole myth about the underworld and stuff.
Oh. They boys just fell into a huge waterfall. While fighting, though Dinotopians abhor violence. How, er, ironic. Dang.
Alice Krige is also in this movie. She was the Borg queen who hit on Data. Can't say I blame her.
I'm tired. I think I'll watch the rest tomorrow.
But all the characters' reactions to everything are totally unrealistic. It's like this:
"Hey, our dad is... er, missing. Not dead. Or something"
"Yeah, that sucks. Hey, there's a dinosaur."
"That's weird."
Plus, one character who's supposed to be a "20th generation Dinotopian" just said that dinosaurs have been around for 160 million years. So what happened? did someone go and get a load of dinosaurs with a time machine and bring them to the present? Because the first dinosaurs appeared in the Triassic, about 230 million years ago (mya). (Ahh geology class. How I miss it. Wait, no I don't. I was just thinking this morning about how I blanked out on the final and forgot what sea scorpions were called. Then after I left I was like "Eurypterids! Arrgh!" Yeah. Yeah, that really sucked. ...woah. I was just looking it up to make sure I'd spelled that right and I found Eurypterids.net. Anyway.)
So what's the deal? Dinosaurs existed in real life for about 165 million years. So, in the movie, was there the 65 million year period where they didn't exist, and then someone got a time machine or some crap and brought some back? Maybe that's exactly what happens. Maybe I should watch the whole movie before I go complaining about it.
The acting is still crap. 'Cept for David, naturally. I just hope it doesn't turn into some kind of anti-pacifist, anti-vegetarian thing. See, coz Dinotopians are all a bunch of hippies and one of the guys from the plane is all going on about how humans are at the top of the food chain. I hope he doesn't end up saving their people by busting out with some kind of primitive, phallic weapons to fight the dinosaurs, proving that our Western imperialistic consumerist machismo bull crap is the only way for a society to function.
Alright, I guess I'll watch the rest of the movie now.
I'm sitting around waiting for my friend to call because I'm probably going to see The Matirx with her. So, in my defense, I have nothing better to do right now.
The following will be of absolutely no interest to anyone who isn't currently watching the movie. Yet, somehow, it's my blog and I can fill it with pointless crap if I want to.
Actual dialogue from the movie:
dino girl: "There's many things you can learn from the brachiosaurus"
annoying boy: "Oh yeah? Like what?"
dino girl: "Like humility"
annoying boy: (abashed silence)
me: "ha ha! oooh, buuuuurned"
How, exactly, does a brachiosaurus have humility? It's like a huge freaking wildebeest that can step on you.
You know, if these graphics were in a video game, I'd be pretty impressed but I've just come to expect better from movies. But I don't hold that against them. I will, however, hold against them the fact that the costumes mostly look like people who wanted to get the discount for wearing a costume at the Ren fair but didn't put a whole lot of effort into it. Except David. And not just because he's h0tt. I like how his trouser legs lace up the front.
Something tells me these kids aren't going to be allowed to leave. Maybe it'll turn really creepy. Like The Prisoner, or something. That would be cool. So fat chance of it happening in this movie.
HAHAHA! I think the mayor just said they have to have sex with dinosaurs. Something being paired with their "saurian life partner." Yeah, this movie just got more interesting. But then, dinosaur pr0n would be funny, so, again, fat chance of it happening in this movie. Oh, hey, the dinosaurs wearing crowns and stuff are pretty cool. But why are those big dumbass stegosaurs in the senate... Oh. uhh. never mind.
Oh, goddammit, dino girl's dressed like Britney Spears. Just when I forgot that they always do that in movies where people have weird costumes. Or normal costumes. Or, uhh, absolutely any movie at all.
Squeee! David's back! And being a creepy old guy! How much you want to bet he's the guy who arrived in the 40s? Not that he looks anywhere near old enough. But whatever. The kids did refer to him as an old guy.
Alright, in spite of myself I'm starting to enjoy the story. The whole myth about the underworld and stuff.
Oh. They boys just fell into a huge waterfall. While fighting, though Dinotopians abhor violence. How, er, ironic. Dang.
Alice Krige is also in this movie. She was the Borg queen who hit on Data. Can't say I blame her.
I'm tired. I think I'll watch the rest tomorrow.
